Seeking...

So I'm not going to tell a lie. I've been pretty confused in recent months. I made some decisions a while back... to quit my job, to pursue a course of study, to relocate... no small decisions here, but I am not sure that I am completely on the right path. Don't get me wrong... I don't feel like I am doing anything terrible, but do you ever get a sense when you are heading in a direction and you just (in your gut) think... I made a wrong turn... or this isn't the scenery I was expecting to be seeing by now... yeah? well that's where I'm at... I think the adventure or journey is still the correct one... that is to be seeking...

I am a believer in God. I am not ashamed to say it. Over the years, my faith has been tested, challenged, grown, stretched, diminished... you name it... I've probably been through that season... but at this moment in time, I believe that I am coming out of a dry time... but I don't yet know into a time of WHAT.

Now, this, I have to admit bothers me. I would love to say that I am gloriously patient, waiting to see all that God unfolds in this next season... but that would just not be true. I do believe that God brought me out of what I was doing for a reason... but I am going to have to be patient a little longer... I do feel like some pieces are coming together... but not quite enough ... YET...

Anywho! I just thought I'd take a couple of moments to make a blog update...

Lord, I believe... help me in my unbelief.

Waking Up Beloved...

So I was sent a copy of Henri Nouwen's book, Life of the Beloved. In this book Nouwen was attempting to express to some secular friends what it means to be chosen by God. I admit, I'm a person who reads slowly, but this book I read in a day. While the initial goal was to reach secular friends, there is a chapter at the back which indicates he may have been more successful in presenting what it means to be beloved in a clearer way than he had articulated before. He speaks of his life in a community with mentally handicapped people (the word of the time) and how they challenged him to key into the simple things in life.

Sometimes I am intimidated by my former students - some of whom are so brilliant that they regularly beat me at words with friends! I often practice what Nouwen calls 'self-rejecting' behaviors. However, reading his words about what it means to be chosen by God truly lodged in me in a way that I don't think they have for a while. It reminds me of when I worked on YMCA camps in Norwich and someone would often say "God is good!" to which everyone else would reply, "All the time!" Abiding in the truth of being chosen is both a blessing and a challenge... to remain in the simplicity of that is important but it can be difficult to get still enough to listen.

There are so many compelling reasons to notice the petty annoyances that go on around you... the people who push in line at the popular restaurant, or the fact that the car wash doesn't quite get all the grime off the window... but let's face it, celebrating the great things in life is a much more worthy pursuit... I mean, I was BOUGHT breakfast today, and I got to eat that breakfast with some people that I love a lot.

As someone who is beloved I am grateful, and I should dwell in gratitude more often than complaining... so I guess today I am challenging myself to do just that.

Hope is vital!
Rosie

Waking Up Grumpy!

So this morning, I woke up and wanted there to be a mum here for me. Don't get me wrong, my mum is in England, and I'm not! So, anyway, this mum was a sort of fantasy "Mary Poppins" mum .... In my imagination she'd walk in the room, immediately 'intuit' all the things that needed to be done to make me feel better, then she would magically go about doing it. It would be wonderful!

As she would start organizing the tasks needing done, she would also have a sense of my 'exhaustion' at figuring this out... she'd put the kettle on and say, "Let's have a cuppa, shall we? And then when you've told me what's weighing you down, you can go for a nap!" Wonder of wonders, I'd get to nap and when I'd wake up MAGICALLY... everything would be done...

Yeah, well needless to say, that never happened. In fact, I had to pick myself up by my bootstraps and get on with it myself. I wish young people (who complain about their parents) would understand that the day comes when there isn't a 'magical' parent hovering around the corner to set everything to rights.

So instead, today, I just had to take care of me. I went to church, did grocery shopping, laundry, and some cleaning. As I type a pot of goodness is cooking on the stove... enough food for the week for me, and any strays who might turn up needing sustenance. I guess today, I had to be the mum I was looking for! And you know what, at the end of the day, it's been a good one!

Day One

So I've been thinking about creating a blog for a while. It's not that I think lots of people will be really interested in what I have to say, but I think it would be a good experience for me to keep an account of the transformation that I am exploring. It would also be a good way to work on improving my writing skills. 

So, let me explain a little bit of what's going on with me... I'm currently pursuing some graduate studies at the Ohio State University. Anyway, I quit my job in June and began studying in September (the last year that OSU is on the quarter system). I am applying to be a part of the PhD program in Theatre. This quarter I am taking two classes: one in Performance and Social Movements, and one in Celtic Influences in Dramatic Literature. I am very excited about both of these classes. 

So, the title for my blog came from a class that I was in yesterday. It relates to the fact that I was born and raised into England, to Irish parents, and it wasn't until fairly late in life that I realized that my heritage and culture where actually Irish. I know... some of you might have been a lot quicker on the uptake, but I'm doing the best I can!

Anyway, that's enough for a beginning, I think. Later.